Changes

Lord, I can still remember when I asked for you to save me, but wondering if I was really "saved." I didn't feel anything magical. Somehow I expected to hear the awe of angels or feel a warmth washing over me. Every time I heard an invitation to ask you into my life I would do it. Mostly, because I was afraid I hadn't done it right the first time.

I remember surrounding myself with my new Christian friends and sensing that they had a relationship with you. They would talk about you as if they KNEW you. I was jealous of them. I wondered why I didn't feel like you were my friend. I always wondered why I didn't experience that kind of intimacy with you. Why were they so special? What was so different about them? And then one day it changed. I really wish I could remember when that change happened. I can't even narrow it down Lord. Now, I feel like you're my friend, my father, my comforter, my counselor, I could go on and on. Maybe it happened when I spent more time in your Word. It helped me recognize your "voice." Maybe it happened when I spent time just worshiping you and loving on you.

Worship.
Another change in me.
Worship music made me so uncomfortable, but you already know that. I remember wanting to get to Jack Cru late just so I could miss out on the worship. Music has always been an important part of my life. Thank you so much for helping me overcome the awkwardness I used to feel when I sang to you. Thank you for helping me use music as an avenue of worship.

Lately, I've noticed our relationship is once again changing. I've noticed that you have given me some responsibility. You are putting me in situations where I have to tell people about You. You are giving me oppurtunities to be Your hands and feet, You are helping me see people the way You see them. Why do you trust me? I'm afraid of failing you! I don't want to dissapoint you Lord.

Thank you Lord for all the blessings that you have bestowed upon me. Thank you for giving me a sister who helps me when I am in need. Thank you for giving me friends who sharpen me. Thank you for always providing me with someone to go to church with. Thank you for giving me another day of life. Thank you for giving my family members another day of life. Thank you for allowing me to be at HBU and putting me in the role of an RA. Thank you for being good and showing me your grace and mercy.

Tonight I pray that you help me be the moon; help me be a reflection of you. You know what I need; satisfy me Lord. I'm tired of filling myself with the things of this world. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak! I know that You are strong; strengthen me! Show me that you are everything that You say You are. Give me words to speak when your people ask me questions about You. I can't do it alone. Lord, Restore in me the joy of your salvation. Never let me lose the wonder of the cross Lord! Also, burn away any and every desire that is not of you. Help me do everything for the right reasons. Please convict me Lord when I have alterior motives! Finally, I ask that you help me be a positive impact and that you save me from myself.